


Of Water and Weakness

by writingwords



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben in glasses, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Deaf Character, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Kind of a prequel to today's episode I guess, Late at Night, M/M, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:29:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingwords/pseuds/writingwords
Summary: Just some fluff because the world sucks right now and isolation has me pulling my hair out.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	Of Water and Weakness

Ben only woke up because his mouth was dry. He needed water and had haphazardly reached for his glasses, untangled himself from Callum, and made his way to the kitchen. But then he’d decided to use the toilet as well. That’s where it went wrong.

Gripping the edge of the sink, Ben stares at the running water, brows furrowed. Nothing. In fact, the more he tries to _hear_ , the worse the ringing gets, until he’s clutching the side of his head with one hand. He’d fallen asleep with a headache and now it’s returned, each thump mocking him. Now that he’s not focused on being thirsty, or washing his hands, he can concentrate on this. A reminder that this is who he is now – a guy that can’t even cope with a tap running.

 _Stop kidding yourself,_ says a voice that sounds suspiciously like his dad’s, _you’ve always been weak, this is just another in a long list._

And Ben guesses that he’s probably right.

Stella. Prison. Paul. _Paul._

He brings his hand down. Somewhere between his head and the sink it had turned into a fist and Ben feels the impact. It was more force than he intended, and it stings a bit. But he supposes everything stings when you’re weak.

He screws his eyes shut, as if he can force his thoughts to sound like something that isn’t Phil. He almost laughs at the futility of his attempts. He may not be able to hear the stupid water running but he can hear his father. _Good for no one. You’ve never brought anything to the table. You ain’t a proper Mitchell. Weak. Weak. Weak._

Ben nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels something brush against the back of his head. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know Callum’s behind him, or that he’s apologising right now. But he does open them.

Callum’s hair is sticking up in some places and flopping down in others and his eyelids are heavy, but he has a small smile on his face. _God, you’re gorgeous._ Ben feels his face soften as he turns to look at him, willing him to feel how grateful he is for dispelling his thoughts, if only for a moment.

Callum rubs his hands up Ben’s arms, stopping to rest on his shoulders, silently asking him what’s wrong. Ben shrugs and tips his head towards the water, trying to paint on even a wry smile, but he’s too tired right now. Tired of the front he knows he doesn’t need to put on. Not here. Not when it’s just him and Callum. Their own bubble. Ben and Callum. In the toilet of Pam and Les’ flat. Ben tries supressing a laugh. A strangled cry comes out instead.

Callum’s hands go to cover Ben’s, causing him to loosen the grip on the sink. He leads one hand to wrap around the spout of the tap. Ben rolls his eyes but goes with it.

He doesn’t want to think about the last time Callum did this – made him listen with his hands. Made him drop his guard just enough so that everyone at E20 could see how weak he really was. He tries to pull away, but Callum’s grip is firm. And Ben _knows_ he’s trying to help. He’s not trying to humiliate him. And so, he gives Callum a pointed look, an overly heavy sigh, and then wraps his hand around the spout tightly.

And, okay fine, he feels the vibrations. Tentatively, he puts his other hand under the running water. _Feels_ the movement and can guess what it sounds like. It’s like those few seconds at the club again. Ben feels like he can hear, just a bit differently now.

He watches as Callum’s fingers run over the back of his hand from where they are joined at the tap. It’s his way of getting attention. He looks at their reflection and Callum’s lips are moving.

 _-can get through this._ He makes out. _We can cope._

And Ben could dissolve into tears right there because Callum speaks so _clearly_ that he barely has to ask him to repeat himself anymore.

‘Nah.’ he whispers and reaches to turn the tap off. ‘I can’t, Cal.’ But he knows he’s speaking softly so he tries again. ‘I can’t cope.’ He inhales shakily as he looks at the frown on Callum’s face.

_You’re strong enough to do this, Ben._

Ben scoffs at that. ‘Strong is pushing it.’ He gestures vaguely at his broken ears.

The crease between Callum’s brows disappears then. He brings his left hand to Ben’s bicep and squeezes it. He raises an eyebrow playfully.

_Seems pretty strong._

Ben smiles inadvertently but how could he not when Callum’s smiling so wide that his eyes are sparkling? He rolls his eyes at the comment but he’s still grinning so he’s not sure Callum buys it.

Callum rests his fingers on Ben’s hips lightly now and they focus on their reflection.

_I mean it. You’re the strongest man I know._

Ben shifts his weight from one leg to the other. He’s about to make a quip about liking a workout but he doesn’t get that far. Because Callum’s expression is so soft, so earnest, that he just lets the moment linger.

His eyes flutter shut, and he leans his head to the side so his glasses awkwardly press against both their temples. His hands fall over Callum’s.

He can hear a voice in his head again but it’s not Phil’s this time. _Strongest man I know._ It’s Callum’s.

And yeah, he doesn’t believe him, not really. He knows he’s weak, always has been.

But the look on Callum’s face, the mantra of _strongest man,_ the gentle way his hands are holding him. Ben would melt if it were physically possible.

Maybe Ben isn’t that strong. But he believes that Callum believes he’s strong. Even though he’s deaf. Even though he loses more fights than he wins. Even if he’s never been good for anyone, never stepped up, never been a proper Mitchell. It doesn’t matter. Because he’s the _strongest man_ Callum knows.

And yes, maybe he can’t pull off the warehouse job as well as he thinks he can. And hiding the gun in his boyfriend’s living room maybe wasn’t the best idea. And there’s a million and one ways tomorrow can go tits up. But, for right now, Ben lets himself have this.

Have his hands over Callum’s hands. His back against his chest. His head leaning on Callum’s. And he lets _strongest man_ repeat itself like a prayer until his heart is full and there’s a four letter word stuck in the back of his throat because he may never do enough to convince Phil that he’s not weak anymore but he never had to convince Callum in the first place.

‘I love you.’ It comes out as he sighs, like his body can’t help it. He’s speaking quietly again but he knows Callum’s heard it.

Callum wraps his arms around his torso, pulling Ben in closer to him. Ben thinks that Callum’s hold is all the strength he’ll ever need.

Ben feels a feather light kiss on his shoulder.

He can’t hear Callum. His eyes are still closed so he can’t see him either. But he knows.

The kiss is an _I love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I know technically the spout of a water tap doesn't vibrate that much. First time on this site and writing EE fic, so criticism is welcome. Gets a bit murky in the middle because I wanted to get it out before today's ep. Stay safe :)


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